In recent times we have been experiencing difficult challenges with situations we did not have to deal with before, creating a lot of unrest in our minds: anxiety, fears, worries, and all sorts of negative reactions that affect our emotional and psychological state.
Every one of us deals with what has been happening in different manners. Also, the way we react depends on the frame of mind we are in.
Lately, we hear quite often in the news that there is a significant increase of people suffering from sadness and depression as a consequence of the state of things.
Sadness and depression are not the same, and they can affect us in a mild manner or with more intensity making a negative impact in the way we act every day. The ability of each one of us to manage them is also quite different.
Sadness is a normal emotion, often associated with a difficult life event, and when it happens it has the tendency to be the dominant emotion...while it lingers it can make us feel terrible.
Sadness varies in intensity and duration. Eventually, it fades and ultimately resolves. But when that awful feeling is not temporary, is not transitory depression starts and interferes with how we feel, think or act, causing persistent sadness.
These emotions can weigh us down while experiencing them, messing up our souls in a big way.
It is crucial that we can find ways to recover our souls and our sense of wellbeing. Once that we can change our thought processes, and challenge the way our brain speaks to them we have a chance to underermine the power that sadness and depression could have over us.
One of the most striking things about our minds is that in spite of so many challenges and difficulties we can locate ways that will assist us to find a remedy to not succumb when having these emotions. It could be a long and big struggle...but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Talking about sadness and depression is not an easy task, especially when you are about to talk about your personal struggles with these distressing situations: despair, dark moods, feeling so low. But I decided to do it because maybe my own experiences dealing with them could be of help to someone else.
When the pandemic started to worry us all so much, I was already in a very vulnerable emotional situation. In 2019 my husband for 50 years died leaving a massive hole in my heart that I did not know how to fill.
I met him when I was 16 years old, he was 17...we were madly in love. We went to school at the same university and when we both graduated we got married... our lives revolved around each other from then on.
When he died I was totally lost, and could not deal with the fact that I will not be able to be with him anymore. I felt desperate and lonely. It was the first time in my life I was living by myself, living on my own. I come from a culture where you live with your parents until you get married (it is different now).
Suddenly my world was upside down, I felt like my life did not have a purpose...I was falling apart. I did not have the desire, energy or the capability to concentrate to do anything. The only thing I did was just cry and feel sorry for myself.
I did a lot of pretending when talking to my family -they all live very far away from my home. When they asked me how I was doing I said I was fine, when I really was crumbling inside. It makes me feel so bad that I was not honest with them. I felt ashamed that I did not know how to act differently managing my emotional state of mind. I did not want them to see me as a weak person. I did not want to worry them. I wanted them to see me strong and dependable, even though my self-esteem was at its lowest ever.
I neglected myself, and everything around me for quite a while... until one day I read an article about gratitude that impacted me in such a way that made me see my situation in a totally different way. In spite of all that caused my suffering and despair, I decided to acknowledge everything in my life that was a blessing and I needed to be grateful for.
When we start focusing on what we are grateful for, we also start looking at our lives in a different way, where we are kinder to ourselves and where faith and hope are a big force.
Not only do we need to be grateful for the big things in our lives, like the unconditional love and support from our families, but also for things that we take for granted: when the sun is shining I am so grateful because its brightness illuminates my life, my mind, my space. I am also grateful for the rain because when it happens it waters all the plants in my garden and they thrive and flourish. The more we look into gratitude the more we find to be grateful for every day.
Gratitude was what opened my mind and my heart to go into the path of my emotional recovery. I am not completely out of the woods yet...it is a work in progress, but now I am on a mission to live every day the best way I can, to use every day the best way I can find, and most important trying to do what will make me a better human being every day.
I made a purpose to do activities on a regular basis that are relaxing and make me feel like I accomplished something that I could be proud of.
I always enjoyed gardening, but in the midst of my disconnect from everything, I did not work in my garden anymore. It was so neglected when I started working in it again. Little by little I healed my garden, and with so much attention and dedication 2020 has been the year where everything thrived in it, and my plants bloomed like never before.
I also started to learn how to draw and paint. I enjoy doing watercolors so much.
It is very calming observing nature and then displaying what we see in a painting. I particularly like looking at the trees in my backyard and painting them through the seasons of the year.
Very good exercise and mood-boosting is dancing. I dance twice a day with my sister, she lives in Venezuela so we do it with Whatsapp. We both love Latin music because it has a nice beat that is uplifting. Two of my favorite songs for dancing -among many others- are Luna Llena by Elvis Crespo, and Tu Sonrisa, also by Elvis Crespo.
Singing aloud is also a good activity to lift the spirit. I am aware that I am not a good singer but since no one is listening I sing as loud as I can and it is very therapeutic.
Praying also is a great help with my struggles, assisting my brain to get better at optimism, hope, and serenity... and to be forgiving to myself for my failings.
If there are things in our life that we would like to be different from the way they are, we will do our best to change them. But if there is nothing we can do to change them we need to accept them as they are, and move on.
Everything that happens in our life has a lesson to learn from...to make us stronger, wiser, resilient.
It is very difficult to cope with major stressors when your mind is always on high alert. Looking for what calms us down, what calms our brain, is really beneficial in this struggle influencing our feelings and as a consequence, influencing our actions.
Treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, acknowledging that what we are experiencing is difficult and painful and that there are ways that will help us cope with the situation we are in now, and that will give us a sense of purpose.
In the journey that I took through the darkness toward the light, what it has helped me to walk back to health is choosing each day things that enliven my selfhood and avoiding things that do not. I also stopped judging myself for being sad and depressed.
— Omaira
“Sadness and depression” is a touching newsletter, rich in feelings and emotions. The painting shows Omaira´s home late at night. The room with the lights on used to be Jose Antonio´s workplace at home. Omaira wanted to remember how hard her husband worked every day, even during the years he suffered the disease that ended his life. He was a distinguished scientist and professor at UNC, a geophysicist and expert on climate change. For a long time after his death, the room became a sad place where Omaira used to cry. Fortunately, now, through a healing process, the room has become a happy place where Omaira enjoys music, dancing, reading, writing. She remembers the good of their long journey together. Life goes on with gratitude and hope, a great accomplishment. No more sadness and depression. I feel happiness too.
Very thoughtful and soothing piece! I can relate deeply with your story of hiding grief, having lost my mother in 2019 and step-father in 2017 – both much earlier than expected. Like you say, it is important to focus on gratitude and hiding emotions doesn't help. I find gratitude in remembering and writing down memories, and even sharing them out loud. Keep up the good thoughts!